As a strategic communicator, my most critical skill is listening.
In 2021, I had intimate conversations with over 100 strangers. As someone who specializes in ethical, social change storytelling, this is not unusual for me. It's my job to amplify the experiences of people living through and responding to some of the most pressing and personal issues of our time.
While I bring considerable expertise and experience to my work, I also know that as a white woman, I may not always seem like — or be — the best person to tell a particular story, and I am ready to step aside as needed. That said, I treasure the opportunity to connect with people in their striving, trials and triumphs because, in addition to increasing their storytelling capacity, I also expand the vessel that is me.
The Magic that Happens When We Listen
Human beings across every culture have long understood the incredible power and magic of storytelling. But how much of that magic is generated by the act of deep listening (and being heard)?
When we listen well, we relate. Even though all my 100-plus conversations were on Zoom, I always found myself thoroughly engaged and invested as I typed to catch every word. (Of course, I can record and have conversations transcribed, but there is no substitute for zero-backup listening.)
This kind of listening, and being very clear that interviewees remain in control of their story throughout the review process, goes a long way toward building trust. Still, I continue to feel discomfort. As a white person, my anti-racism journey, intentions and actions will always feel inadequate and small next to the ugly realities of our country and the world's colonialism and racist underpinnings. That said, I believe that engaging with one another in listening, being heard and being uncomfortable will increase our capacity for action to repair the damage, heal and improve our collective humanity.
As fellow citizens of this troubled land, when any of us listen, we better understand who we are as individuals and who we might be as a collective. In my work, my time with people is brief, and they must trust me with something precious. So I do everything I can to earn their trust by listening well and then accurately amplifying whatever they've shared to full power.
We all know how good it feels to be heard, yet few of us practice being a good listener.
In an ever-more fragmented and contentious world, listening is an extraordinarily effective way to connect, share understanding and collectively grow. So why isn't listening one of our primary subjects in school? Or the primary focus of improving leadership skills?
If you google the importance of listening, you realize how neglected a space this is when the fifth hit that comes up is from 1957. The Harvard Business Review article is as good as any of the hits (aside from the jarring sexist business language reflecting the time when it was written).
It talks about the potential of listening, how bad most of us are at it, and how to get better. It also makes it sound as if schools are going to start teaching us how to listen based on a couple of promising endeavors in that direction at that time. Some 65 years later, it seems not much has happened. Maybe we should try to change that.
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